Witticism: Smug Inner Voice

(bla bla bla), said the internal voice, and it sounded as if it was grinning.

Simile: A Loud Sound

As loud as a curse in a cathedral -- Mort by Terry Pratchett

Wit

He pushed his luck. It was clearly too weak to move by itself.

Source: The Fifth Elephant by Sir Terry Pratchett

Character: Colon 2

[he] stood very still for a while, until his heartbeat wound down from a whine to at least a purr.

Source: The Fifth Elephant by Sir Terry Pratchett

Character: Colon

There were complaints, and memos, and invitations, and letters requesting "a few minutes of your time" and forms to fill in, and reports to read, and sentences containing words like "iniquitous" and "immediate action" and they tottered in his mind like a great big wave, poised to fall on him.

Source: The Fifth Elephant by Sir Terry Pratchett

Haha!

(Constable Reg Shoe): "Afternoon, Sergeant--"

"That's Captain," said Captain Colon. "See the pip on my shoulder, Reg?"

Reg looked closely. "I thought it was bird doings, Sarge."

"That's Captain," said Colon automatically. "It's only chalk now because I ain't got time to get it done properly," he said, "So don't be cheeky."

[They talk for a bit.]

A pigeon chose that diplomatic moment to flutter into the factory and land on Colon's shoulder, where it promoted him.

Source: The Fifth Elephant, by Sir Terry Pratchett